Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Who Needs Avenues, Who Needs Reservoirs

I’ve mentioned a few times how much I enjoy analyzing and ranking sports uniforms. It’s one of the small joys I get in being a sports fan, especially when I’m watching a contest involving two teams I don’t particularly care for one way or another. That being said, there was a time when it was very difficult to appreciate uniforms because there were so many bad ones. The time I speak of is the mid-to-late 1990’s. I don’t know how this thought hit me, but it did. There was an obscene abundance of terrible threads making the rounds, especially in the MLB and NBA. You want proof you say? I’ll give you proof. Here are a few examples of what some teams thought were good ideas.

This is actually the better look for the Pistons in the 1990's. Their short-lived alternate was a weird maroonish-brown with the same logo. Not good times in Motown.
It's a little hard to see in this picture, but the Toronto Raptors had a cartoon dinosaur dribbling a basketball and wearing a jersey, shorts, and sneakers. There were also about five very spread apart pinstripes that served no purpose other than making the Raptors looks ridiculous. Mission accomplished.

The Cavs waited for the LeBron era to unveil decent uniforms, and it was not a moment too soon.
There was a disturbing trend in the late 90's for teams to go to teal. The Vancouver/Memphis Grizzlies kick off the teal with...this. No wonder they didn't set Canada on fire for basketball.

Here the Charlotte/New Orleans Hornets to their best to look like like an NBDL team. Teal? Check. Purple? Check. Wide-set pinstripes? Check.

Whats is this? Really. What?

The Rockets took a page out of the Raptors playbook (or was it the other way around?) and went with a cartoon logo, and stupid pinstripes. Not coincidentally, the Rockets have escaped the first round of the playoffs once since abandoning the classic uniforms they won two championships in.

Don't worry, we'll see this color scheme pop up again later. Yep, THREE pro sports franchises thought it would be a good idea to use teal and purple in the 1990's. And what's the deal with the mountains? Really?

And there it is.
So let's see...The Marlins, Diamondbacks, and Grizzlies were all expansion teams in the 90's and all incorporated some form of teal in their uniforms. I'll never understand it.

What an atrocity. Sleeveless jersey, pinstripes, and a made-for-Disney cartoon logo on top of a navy and red color scheme. Who do they think they are, the Rockets? Who's with me? Amirite?

Fortunately, that's all I've got. Let me know if there are any I missed. On the bright side, all of these teams have ditched their looks of ten years ago and have made definite upgrades, so not all is lost. Heck, the Jazz and Grizzlies now look exactly the same, so there's that going for them, I guess. Later days, folks, it's time to get to work.

*UPDATE at 2:54 pm. Thanks to reader Austin Henley for bringing this one up. In one of the all-time awful uniform decisions-not only of the 1990's, but ever- the Tampa Bay 'Devil' Rays make their debut in this:

More bad D-Rays pictures here.
Second Follow Up: While looking for the picture of the clearly juiced-up Canseco (were we really that oblivious?) I came across this post from two years ago at Joe Sports Fan. Seems like someone else picked up on the purple/teal trend.


Austin said...

You missed the original Devil Rays unis...those were really bad too with the rainbow looking logo. Google "Jose Canseco Devil Rays" and you'll see what I mean.

lance said...

YES. Great call, I knew I'd miss a few. I'll update accordingly.

Luke Reeves said...

For me in the NBA, its got to be those Toronto jerseys. They make we want to swallow vaseline.